Tuesday, 20 September 2016

honey moon

the lady went on a honeymoon and she said i got to catch my breathe and so she layered and ran a away in the forest and she got lost she was running until she tripped into a muddy puddle and splash into her face so these animal's fixed her up and she said in her head I" should go and marry him so she ran back  and she got to the honeymoon and she got married and her dress was shiny and beautiful so the they lived happily ever  after.

1 comment:

  1. Great story Lopiseni! You have got a clear problem and solution. I love that you have included some dialogue, you have got two - one time she says "I've got to catch my breathe" and the other one she thought to herself "I should go and marry him". Great!

    Next steps - add more detail and description about your character. Who was she? Does she have a name? Where was the honeymoon? Why did she lie and run away (Did she not love the man?)? What does she look like? What is she wearing?
    Next steps - come and see me about your speech marks and I'll help you put them in the right place

    Keep it up Lopi!